How You are Slowly Killing Your Marriage

My son begged me to play a video game with him. I’m not even certain the name of it, but we could call it “Everybody Shoot Everybody,” and you’d probably get a mental picture of what it was like. You pick a weapon, point and shoot at the bad guys. I figured, “How hard could it be?”

Umm. Hard.

I picked the biggest gun and tried to figure out how to make the guy walk. I pushed a variety of buttons until my man started to move forward. Only in pushing all those buttons, I accidently pushed the “put your gun away in your oversized pocketbook” button. Okay, so maybe they didn’t have purses. Backpacks perhaps?

Before a full sixty seconds had passed on the game, I found myself blinking. No, not my eyeballs. My man on the television screen.

“What just happened?” I asked my son.

“Mama,” he couldn’t hold in his laughter. “You just got killed. Now you are regenerating.”

Sixty seconds. I was dead in sixty seconds.

When I wasn’t looking, the enemy snuck up and shot me dead.

It sure seems marriages have been playing the same game. Everywhere I look, the enemy has taken out another marriage – another covenant before God has been broken. He’s sneaky, the devil, and will come after your marriage, too. I don’t mean to freak you out, but he probably already has you in his sights.

And the crazy thing is, so often, we reach into our hand bag or backpack, whichever you prefer, and hand him the ammunition. I know you think I’m being a little overdramatic right now. But hear me out.

Let’s play out a scenario that happens in households all across the nation. The husband does or says something to upset his wife. It could be anything from leaving the toilet seat up to not finishing the home project he started weeks ago to focusing more on his job than his wife. The wife, frustrated, calls her best friend to vent. After getting off the phone, she doesn’t feel better. She actually feels worse.

So, she gets on Facebook. As she scrolls through her feed, she notices all the vacation pictures, anniversary pictures and date night pictures from all her friends. Seeing how wonderfully perfect those husbands are make her even angrier at her own spouse.

She gets off Facebook and calls her mom. Again, she recounts all her husband’s annoying habits, looking for justification in her anger. Her mama, of course, gives it to her. It is her mama after all. She temporarily feels better, until she hangs up.

By the time her husband walks in the door, she is brewing for a fight.

Is there anyone who can relate?

So, how does that kill my marriage, you ask? Thanks for asking. Let me explain. You see, no one is perfect. NOT you! And NOT your spouse. Two imperfect people can not have a perfect marriage. It is impossible. There are going to be times where your spouse gets on your ever-lovin’ last nerve.

Consider the irritated thought about your spouse a small spark. Every time you recount that irritated thought to a friend or family member, or even just to yourself in your mind, you are adding fuel to the fire. That one small irritation grows. With each time you tell it, your feelings of anger grow. By the time you are finished “venting,” you’ve created a fire bomb.

Satan is using that, friends, to destroy our marriages. When your significant other does something to frustrate you, satan is the one who whispers in your ear saying, “Did he do that again? Why do you put up with that? You should go call a friend to talk about it.”

But you see, every time you re-tell the wrong that’s been done to you, it only upsets you more. So how should you handle it?

1. Take captive your thoughts
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

Lock the bad thought away and replace it with truth. You might say to yourself, “Yes, my husband works a lot, but I know he does it to help provide for the family. He works out of his love for me.”

2. Find an iron-sharpening friend
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 NIV

While you don’t need to run to tell every friend what your husband did to upset you, you may need to go to a godly friend to get biblical advice. For the most part, when we share our story, we are looking for someone to tell us we are right and the other person is wrong. Iron sharpens iron by rubbing off the burrs. Find a friend that isn’t afraid to rub off your burrs with the Truth. But even then, be careful what you share.

3. Take it to God
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

God knows every single thing about your spouse and every single detail about what has gone on between you. If you need to vent, vent to God. He will always listen and you will walk away from time with Him feeling better.

What do your friends know about your spouse? Are you continually bad mouthing them to anyone who will listen? If so, you are slowly killing your marriage. You are handing satan ammunition, and trust me, he will use it to destroy your relationship.

I have friends who are currently struggling in their marriages or are in the process of divorce. I am not pointing the finger and saying that they are the cause of the demise of their relationship. But sometimes all of us, me included, can fall into the trap of focusing on the negatives. I don’t want to lose my husband. I don’t think you do either. Let’s not give satan a foothold in the covenants we made before God.

Marriages are falling right and left. Don’t let yours be one of them because you failed to do something as simple as keeping your mouth shut (says the lady with the biggest mouth of all). My quick minute playing “Everybody Shoot Everybody” taught me a life lesson for my marriage. Always be looking over your shoulder and walk with a big gun – God’s Word.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Carol

Learning to Be a Mom

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I watched my daughter Grace on the swing set yesterday. Dinner was cooked and waiting on daddy to arrive, so I ventured to the back yard and pulled up a chair to watch my youngest girl. The other two were holed up in their rooms, probably glued to an electronic device.

“Mama!” she yelled, so excited to have my undivided attention. “Watch me!”

I sat back into one of our patio chairs and propped my feet on the tiny plastic picnic table in front of me and relaxed in the evening sun. I watched as Grace swung her legs to and fro, pumping herself higher and higher.

When did she get so good at swinging, I wondered. Just yesterday she was outgrowing the baby swing with the bar to keep her from falling out. I thought of those first few times putting her in the big girl swing and praying she didn’t fall out the back. I would stand with my hands out to catch her if she accidentally let go of the chains.

“Hold tight!” I’d tell her, barely pushing her high enough to catch wind in her hair.

I was thinking of how many times I’d stood in the yard behind the swing, pushing her when she jolted my thoughts. “Mama! Do you see me? I’m almost touching the sky! Woooooooo!”

Without warning, my eyes filled and blurred the carefree girl across the yard. When did she get so good at swinging? I wondered again.

Next year, she’ll be in kindergarten. She’ll be six on her birthday. It doesn’t seem that long ago when I stared in shock at that positive pregnancy test and walked out of the bathroom to tell Alan, “You’re not going to believe this.”

“Waaaaa-hooooooooo,” Grace called out. “Look at me now, Mama!”

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“Wow! You’re great at swinging, Grace! Be careful.” I cautioned her.

“Don’t worry. I just hold on tight to these chains. Really tight. Just like you told me, Mama,” Grace said.

And my hands, in tense fists in my lap, loosened a bit. This is the way of things for moms. We place them into swings when their tiny bodies aren’t big enough to do it alone. Then we stand behind them, coaching them on what to do, close enough to catch them if they fall. In time, we are across the yard, watching from afar as they practice what we’ve taught. We relish in their accomplishments.

Because soon – my breath catches a little – soon, they will leave the yard. God help me when that day comes.

I bit my lip a little, to keep from the ugly cry. “That’s great, Grace. I’m glad you remember. Just don’t ever let go.”

Carol

Don’t Forget Mighty God

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It’s summertime! You’ll have to forgive my long absences as I’m trying to make the most of the time I have with all my kids home from school. We enjoyed going to the beach with family and now we are maxing and relaxing at home. I’d love to hear what fun things you are doing this summer.

My four-year-old, Grace, is learning to pray. Join me at the Internet Cafe today to hear a great Grace story where she ended up teaching me a thing or two. Click HERE to read my devotion.

Carol

Learning to Smile from the Inside Out

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It was our third snow day, and I was passing out chores like candy. Around the house were trails of discarded mittens and scarves, random shoes and a smattering of toys. To top it off, it looked like someone took a saltshaker of tiny, dried, brown bits of grass and shook it wildly over every speck of the floor.

All I wanted was a little help sprucing up. Was that too much to ask?

Join me today at the Internet Cafe where I’m posting about learning to smile from the inside out. 😉 Click HERE to read the rest of my devotion.

Carol

When Life is Hard to Swallow

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I’m really not a dog lover.

I don’t tell cute dog stories over coffee with friends. It’s not often my dog has a picture on Facebook. But, there are times when I look at the floppy ears on her hair-dropping self and think, “You’re pretty cute. When you don’t stink and aren’t shaking tufts of fur all over the house and aren’t licking your…”

Well, let’s just leave it at that…

I’m posting over at the Internet Cafe today. Click HERE to read the rest of my devotion.

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And today is the last day of my t-shirt sale to support my mission trip to the Dominican Republic. After today, you will not be able to order a shirt, so if you wanted an Everyday Missionary shirt, don’t miss out! HERE is the link for a t-shirt order.

For those of you who have ordered one already and for those of you who are praying, thank you!!

Carol