If I’m honest, I was pouting. I know I’m blessed beyond measure, but things hadn’t been going my way.
It was two weeks before Christmas, and I needed to buy stamps from the post office for my Christmas cards. The older two kids were with friends, so Grace and I headed out to check off some errands. I was completely engulfed in my thoughts.
We finally sold our home. After it being on the market all summer with not much action, we took it off to pray about it and re-listed it a month later. We got two offers within four days. The best was only $4,000 off our asking price. We were thrilled and relieved all at once. But unfortunately it wasn’t as simple as we’d hoped. The appraiser refused to use 2015 home sales in his competitive market analysis and was forced to look at sales over a year old.
While that may seem like no big deal, over a year ago the home prices were much lower. So the appraisal for our home was $24,000 lower than the contracted price. If you haven’t sold a home before, you may be confused by now – but just know the bottom line – we had to lower our home price – a lot!
Meanwhile, my best friend was in the hospital. When I say best friend, I could interchange that with sister. Our mothers were friends before we were born; we couldn’t remember a time without each other there. She had Stage 4 lung cancer (a non-smoker) and was having a hard time breathing. While we thought she just needed some extra oxygen or maybe a lung drain, the doctors told her there wasn’t anything else they could do and suggested hospice. She died two days later. And the morning after her death, I found out the home appraisal news.
Needless to say, I was a little miffed – frustrated that God hadn’t answered prayers like I wanted. I walked in the post office with Grace, took note of the line and sighed. Couldn’t you at least give me a short mail line, Lord?
I got at the end of the line, counting the people in front of me, while Grace walked to the card corral to touch every single card. “Mama, what does this one say?” She’d walk the two steps to my side and hold out a card for me to read. An older gentleman and his wife finished filling out the information for their package and got in line behind me.
In front of me, a thirty-something lady turned to look at me, then positioned her body so she could keep watching. I offered a weak smile, clutching the stack of Christmas cards needing postage and shifted my weight, uncomfortable under her gaze.
Normally, I pray for people to be drawn to me because they see Christ in me. It gives me a chance to start conversations about Jesus. But I wasn’t taking the bait today. Really, Lord? Don’t you see? I’m done. I’m mad. I’m beyond sad. And I don’t feel like talking.
I imagine God sighing and shaking His glorious head at me.
“Wow. You sure do have a lot of cards to mail.” The woman spoke up. Shaken from my thoughts, I nodded and smiled, taking notice – real notice this time – of the woman in front of me. She stood with a tattered coat and one single red envelope. One.
My gaze shifted from her one to my 70-ish or so Christmas cards. “Carol, you are sending cards to the people who love you. People you call friend. People you could count on if you needed them. And you could have sent more. Do you realize how blessed you are?”
Before I could even respond to the Holy Spirit’s voice in my head, another woman finished mailing her package and started chatting with a friend she hadn’t seen in a while. You know those people who have really loud conversations so everyone in the room can hear them? Yeah. It was some of those people. And remember my mood? I was not amused, but couldn’t help but listen.
“Girl. I’ve never been better!”
“That’s great! You look so good. What’s different? How’s your job going?”
“Oh, it’s good. I don’t have to pay Daddy’s car payment anymore so that’s good. But I’ve been going to church up the street at the big white one on the hill. And I’m tellin’ you something. My life is changed. I poured out a full bottle of whiskey yesterday – right down the drain. I don’t need it. I’m a new person!”
I continued to listen to this woman right across the aisle from me share how God had changed her, when the man from behind bumped into my purse.
“Oh, excuse me,” he said.
“You’re fine,” I told him.
The women walked out continuing their chat outside.
“I got so excited listening to that woman talk, I wanted to get all up in that conversation. I went to raise my hand and bumped you,” the man explained.
I think he was the one who finally jolted me out of my gloomy mood. No matter how frustrated I was with my situation, Jesus was all around me. In front of me, reminding me how blessed I am. Beside me, showing me how He can change the unchangeable. And behind me, reminding me to give Him praise. I couldn’t hide and pout.
I turned to face the man behind me and look him in the face. “I know what you mean,” I told him. “Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Can I get a witness?”
“Oooooh, yesssss!” The man told me. His wife looked over his shoulder and said, “Hallelujah!”
You see, no matter what you are going through, God is with you.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
Life isn’t easy. But God will carry you through the bad times – even when you try to hide. Friend, I don’t know what you are going through, but I’d love to pray for you. Leave me a comment or use my contact page to shoot me an email. You are not alone.